Dusk

must I be defined by my skin tone?

does color matter

can you see beyond color?

I worked hard

to be defined by

my words

that leak

slowly

from my pencil

coloring the world

in words

creating images

that our bright

sparkle and shimmer

removing me from

just my skin tone

helping you to

look beyond

my color that

resembles dusk

after the sunsets

and slowly stars

dance across the sky

Please define my by

my skills with

my lovely pencil

and paper

not what your eyes

see when you look

at me

Valle, M June 30, 2011

Inspired by all the talk about the documentary Dark Girls

www.officialdarkgirlsmovie.com

her trust

You slept I could not I stood trembling, lost in thought You on one side, me on the other Yet I blushed when I pulled back the covers I slid in carefully under the sheets Praying our skin would not touch or meet My heart racing out of control Wanting to have you, wanting to hold Feeling every vein in my body pulse with that relentless beat Like a volcano wanting to erupt, surging with heat Pulling the pillows and the sheets up tight Feeling the urge to flee or fight No where to run, no where to hide Trying to fight this need inside I've overcome this battle of pain and lust And won something more important, her trust.

Crystal Crews

-June 25, 2010-

I fell in love with this poem when I read this and wanted to share. Hopefully you all enjoy it as much as I did. 

I Love Nerds!!

OK, so how much do I love LZ Granderson….his opinions always bring some new insight. I nearly always find myself agreeing with his ideas. Enjoying his column on CNN.com that usually gets me thinking and I just loved this title “Why I’m raising my son to be a nerd”….because darn it I am with him raising my daughters to be nerds. I mean he must have been discussing going to college with his son from Kindergarten for his to aim for Stanford in the fifth grade. I love it the celebration of a child’s intelligence and potential for learning. Sometimes I wonder on ways that I can make my children enjoy learning more then they do at this point. Like Granderson I cheer at A’s and B’s or new things that have been learned at school. I have learned new things from just listening to them daily. My aim for my girls is a college degree at least and what they do after that is on them. In this day and age a college degree is needed for you to step in the door of nearly any and every company. One  very important point in getting them to college as there Dad is prone to say is not just to rely on schools to educate are children but to jump in and stay on top of there learning.

I agree with my favorite columnist LZ Granderson when he says “If we want to have any lasting influence on the way our kids approach education -- the way future generations approach education -- then we have to grab our pom-poms and paint our faces and celebrate intellectual curiosity with the same vigor we do their athletic achievements.”₁ Let’s get out there and cheer are children on the journey called education and learning as much as possible. I am raising future nerds I am hoping that there love of learning will continue through out the future.

Reference

Granderson, LZ. (2011, June 28). Why I ‘m raising my son to be a nerd. Retrieved from  http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/06/28/granderson.raising.nerd/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

Orchestrated Evening

Initial encounter

Table for 2

Dim Lights

…sitting side by side

A brief silence

Is this a signal?

Is there something there?

My left side’s aching, heart palpitating

I want to say anything

So that we can stop wasting time

It seems we already know each other

Teasing takes too long

Like a plant leaning toward the sun,

Every muscle in my body is stretching towards you

Pulling my joints, organs all electrons in my body

Tugged by some kind of energy coming

From somewhere inside of you

Pulling me to you and you to I.

deV!Ouz

June 27, 2011

NYC = LBGT Marriages

"I think this is a basic issue of human dignity and equality," Steven R. Shapiro, the longtime legal director of the American Civil Liberties Union, told me. "People may now make different choices about whether they choose to get married. But it is their choice and not the government's -- as it always should have been."₁

I love to read different things in CNN and the opinions of others. I loved the above quote by Steven R. Shapiro because I agree with it completely that certain things should be a choice made by the people and not the government. Who you choose to love and share your life with should be made by the individuals and not the government. Marriage to me is not perfect, extremely hard, can have obstacles; it can also be beautiful things with and without pitfalls. So why should all not have the opportunity to test out the waters of marriage. In the end I feel that love and a long lasting relationship will win out with or without a marriage license. Good luck to all the beautiful people who belong to the LBGT community. Too much time is spent on bashing others for not fitting the mold and being themselves. Time could be spent on improving education, health care, the environment and building a better community for the next generation.

Reference

Kaiser, Charles. (2011, June 27). For gays, cheers and doubts about marriage. CNN Opinion. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/06/26/kaiser.gay.marriage/index.html

Tarnished Fairy Tales

Truth

Honesty

Never thought it would be such a

Bitch to me

Turning my world

Upside down

The look in your eyes

Speak another story

Is this a confession?

That I want to open my heart up to

My heart says no

The depths of my soul say yes

Destroy the perfect little illusion

Our love never perfect

Always unbalanced

A tug of war on both our emotions

The truth of us at some point became a threesome

Now including her

Look in your eyes tells a new story

Love shines through

Happiness that I never saw before

It seems you have found your

Better half

Or as the fairy tales say your perfect soul mate

You have found love in spite of us

In spite of me

Truth

Honesty

Has lead you to happiness and left me blowing in

The wind

 Valle, M 6/24/2011

 (We always ask for honest and   

truth do we really want to hear

 the honest truthful answer)

Consumption

Heat consumes me at the strangest time

Usually waking me from

Sweet dreams

Slowly the remnants of you

Fall away

No longer do I feel

That love lovely warmth

On that tender spot

Between

My neck and shoulder

Slowly the heat fades

Leaving me wondering

Was it a

Dream or reality

When I look on the

Other side of the bed

Now cool to the

Touch

Heat that I just felt has left me

Yes it does consume me at the strangest time

Valle, M 6/24/2011

Diva

Diva

Is what I see

When I look at me

Perfect by Conventional Means

I am not

My strut is nothing but fierce

8 volt smile

Lights the world

My crowning glory is my sense of humor

No longer letting others

Influence me

No longer standing on the

Sidelines

I step to my own beat

In my sexy Stilettos

Yes Diva is the

Definition of

Me

Valle, M 6/24/2011

Present Moment

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. "—Buddha

I don’t know about Buddha but it is hard for me to concentrate in the moment. I have been trying ever since I watched Julie Roberts in Eat Pray Love. It is hard then people might imagine maybe it is just hard for me. I love to walk so when I take either my morning or evening walk I attempt to just breathe and be in the moment. I may start out with a blank state of mind not even a quarter of the way I am thinking what do I have to do, things the girls need or I start to dwell on the past. Its crazy how my mind starts to wander if I don’t attempt to talk myself into just enjoy being alone, the cool breeze and grass.

I am enjoying life or attempting to by stepping out of my box. I need to also just enjoy the moment not rushing through every little thing. I want to take the time to enjoy the taste, texture of a piece of chocolate. Enjoy the silence, breath in the fresh air and let my mind and soul just be free. Not worry about bills, projects that need to be done around the house, or even how the kids are doing. Just be in the present and enjoy the moment. Yes easier said then done but I have been slowly practicing! 

Love Unconditionally

I have been having this conversation about parental love or the lack of it lately. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around not loving your children unconditional. I can understand personality clashes between children and parents its human not to like everything about a person or what they do. As a parent I am hoping that I can be open minded enough, compassionate enough and love my child to look past my short comings to be supportive of decisions that they make. 

As a child I think I just want to know that I am loved my short comes be damned. Know that I am both I just hope when my children start making decision that will effect their life in the long term that I can be supportive. Be able to look at my life, past mistakes to be able to give an open minded opinion but realize in the end it is their life. As I always say life is short and we must enjoy every minute of it. In ways that make us happy regardless of how others might see us! It’s our lives to live and enjoy. 

Father's Day

Mother’s are in my opinion the silent head of household. Pulling all the strings behind the scenes to pull of the production of family and raising children. Honestly we all know plenty of women who raise their children alone and to be fair quite a few men are doing the same. On that note Happy Father’s Day to all the men, taking children to school, picking them up, doctors appointment, shopping for dresses, sports equipment and genuine love their child or children. Doing the best that they can on a daily bases. Enjoy the day that is dedicated to all that you do. Appreciate that tie that you get because you are loved and cherished. To the Mom’s raising children alone I say enjoy this day also because some of you have taken on both roles or try your best to fill that gap. 

Motherly Acceptance

I original started out with a different blog this morning. After a conversation with someone who is extremely important in my life and I could hear the hurt and disappoint in their voice. I decide to go a different route with what I have been holding a long time within me! As a parent I am trying so hard not to scare my children for life. I am learning to real listen, attempting to control my angry and just learn to enjoy my children and what they bring to my life. As a parent it is so easy to hurt your child either unintentional or intentional.  

I swear my mother intentional goes for the juggler when she feels you are not living up to her level of expectations. Sometimes I wonder if she could hand pick her children would we make the cut! Personal I have worked so hard to make my mother proud of me and accept some of my choices in life. It just seems so hard for her to let go and accept that I am adult raising to girls the best way I feel fit. I used to want so much to make her proud I would have done anything in the end I hurt myself the most. Putting myself on the limb and not being true to myself.

To all those that find themselves in the same predicament I say put yourself first. Do what makes you happy, love who makes you happy set goals for yourself and accomplish them. Yes are parents want what is best for there children but sometimes they way that they go about it hurts more. You have got to live life to the fullest, do things that make you happy and find love that is true and non hurtful. Perhaps in the end that parental acceptance will come around before it is too late.

To my bestie just live your life, find your sexy, take care of your physical and emotional health. Start fulfilling all that is on your bucket list. Remember that there are a number of people who love you and accept you for your beautiful heart and soul. Start living your dreams no longer worrying what others think it is all about you! 

Living Dreams

Last night I came across the following post from a very close family friend from knee high. “I don’t care what people think, I am going after dreams, living my dreams!” I loved it so much I know I have held back doing lots of thing in life fearful of what others may think. No more I am slowly claiming things that I want in life. Putting myself first and being a little selfish once in a while. Yes the children are OK but if mommy is not I doubt everyone else will be. Women take on so much and do so much for others as we run are selves into the ground. Sometimes not stopping to do little things for are selves. It is not a health way to live and emotional stifling. Lets start living are dreams!! 

Braylon Edwards 100 Future College Grads

OK never heard of Braylon Edwards but I salute him for paying the way for 100 young men and women through College.  I am not much of a football fan and my house is a Giant household so he did not make my radar until know. Braylon Edwards is number 17 on the NY Jets team a wide receiver. I think that is an amazing thing that he has done opening up the future to 100 young people. Who would probable not have had this opportunity with the rising price of education. All that he asked of his 100 young people was to keep a 2.5 grade point average and to perform 15 hours of community service. In my eyes an easy task to an end goal of having the college of your choice paid. Braylon ask them to reach back to their community once they have also made it. Gosh would this not be an amazing thing if those who are blessed with the opportunity to make millions would reach back and help the youth that idolize them. Those who watch them on television, read about them, buy there music and fantasize about them. Not everyone is meant to be superstars in the conventional sense but is meant to become great philosophers, doctors, writers, producers, lawyers, scientist and the like. A mind is a great thing and education is a beautiful thing. It would be a beautiful thing if more of the haves would reach out and give a helping hand to our children. I never heard of Braylon Edwards until he helped out a group of young people and there families who will never forget him! 



Braylon Edwards, #17 Wide Receiver New York Jets

Souls Blossom

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." ~Marcel Proust I read this quote this morning and fell in love with it! I am extremely grateful for the people that are in my life and close to my heart! Including family and friends I am blessed to have people I have met and consider family. The past few months have proven that OK, yes I might be in the physical space alone but love spans distance. Just knowing that I have friends and family that check up to make sure that all is well and vice a versa is a beautiful thing. I have come to understand that family is made up of more then blood relatives but people who you share experiences with, laughs, tears, and have your back. These are the people you decide to share with not because of blood but because you see something in each other that touch your souls!

I am thankful for all those that are in my life that have brought something special to my life. There are some I have kept closer to my heart because they brought so much color and happiness to me. Hopefully the future will have are paths cross to share some more laughs along with story’s of what we have missed in each others lives. I hope I have brought smiles and happiness to those in my lives. I know that I can be a tough cookie to crack but once you do most find out that I am a big soft. If I haven’t said thank you to those that I love lately. Well I would like to take this forum to say thank you for just blessing my life, keeping me sane and loving me unconditional! I hope that in my search to make all around myself happy that I have loved them unconditional and have shown them love, kindness along with handing out hugs! Tomorrow is not promised we should constantly let those we care about know are feelings! 

I Survived Middle School

Hooray I have survived Middle School with my child still mental, emotional and physical happy and health. She has made new friends grown closer to her best friends and had a pretty good year. I dropped her off this morning for the last day as I made my way to the office to drop off a donation of water. It is amazing to watch all of them relate to each other very loudly but they are young. We all worry about are children fitting in with fears of bully’s. Which was my biggest fear as school started but it seems to have all worked it self out and I am happy! 

I can not protect her from everything in life; I can just give her the tools as she grows up because at the end of the day she is the one walking the school halls. She is confident in herself, loves herself and has a passion for learning new things. Two more years left and then she leaps into High School and then a whole new set of fears will crop up in my head. At this time there are no real obstacles that she is facing but I know that the older that children become things may not be so easy. So I am just letting her enjoy life, her friends and the simplicity of being a child! 

Passing of Time

I look in the mirror and I see maturity, beauty and I look good with the passing of time. I feel free in a way that I did not when I was younger less scared to be my true self. As my daughter pointed last night at dinner sometimes I can be a bit defensive when others speak off the top of their heads and I don’t agree. I am going to work on not taking everything as an attack on me. Its not it’s just others being free like myself and comfortable with themselves. I have learned the hard way in the past few weeks that it’s not everything that my girls and I will agree on. We are all a bit different even while we do enjoy many of the same things.

I look at my oldest daughter today and wonder where the time has gone. It fly's as quickly as she grows up, finding herself and loving life. She has her own bucket list of things to do before she enters High School. Include indoor skydiving my influence, starting an online business, indoor rock climbing and a few others. She craves excitement and enjoys trying new things and loves taking her family along on these adventures. I am excited to see what this New Year brings us as she nears her mile stone of entering into teen hood. I am fearful of what comes with those years but look forward to watching her continue to grow and see who she will become. In the words of her dad “She will always be my baby, she is growing very nice.”

Traveling in My Heart

I have been keeping this little list of place I would like to go. Place’s I have got to see be for I die such spots like Belize, Paris, Egypt and Africa. I would love to say that I will defiantly end up at these destinations but life and I get in the way. Last night I watched Eat Pray Love staring Julie Roberts what stayed with me after when do I start to truly live. When will I get out of my own way and truly start living for myself. The past few years have been about everyone but my self. It’s been about me trying to make everyone else around me happy. While dropping my happiness by the waste side and making sure everyone else is happy, health and safe.

I am constantly being told by my sister that I never treat myself. Never do things for myself to make me happy. I worry about the price and what I can do with the cash for the girls or a bill. I have been cheating myself by not doing things that I truly would like. As if I am promised tomorrow I am not so I can no longer keep pushing off today for tomorrow. I have started to slowly change myself for not feeling guilty for taking time for my own happiness. What I did learn last night from watching Eat Pray Love some times we just need to step out of our own shadows and live. Life moves so quickly I can not continue put off things that I want, places I would like to go or trying new things. I want to be defined as more then a good mother!

Belong to Self

In "The Prophet," Kahlil Gibran wrote about the relationship between parents and children. "They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. _{(Rose, D)}" Amazingly the little people that I have been given the privilege to raise are really their own person. I forget this at times when I attempt to mold them into little images of what I think that they should be. Then I wonder why conflict may arise leaving us all frustrated. Just as I belong to myself and allowed to have my own opinions, ideas while being able to express who I am to the world.

Sometimes I forget that because I want the best for my girls that they do have an idea of how they would like to express themselves. We do belong to ourselves learning as we grow, from within, external experiences and from those closest to us! In the end I believe we should all be true to who we are and not what the world expects! I would like them to take from me into the world is hard work, a sense of humor no matter how different it maybe and a sense of style that is quirky!

Reference

Rose, Donna, June 2, 2011. Why did parents keep baby’s gender a secret? Retrieved June 2, 2011, http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/06/02/rose.gender/index.html