Quick Moving Life

It amazes me how fast time really goes by. I can still picture myself in my old room at my home in Brooklyn. Rearranging my clothes, shoes or just sitting on my floor reading a book. Life was so simple back then even thought I made mountains out of mold hills. Trying to paint my future to my idea of perfection it has not worked out that way at all. The crazy thing is it is working out pretty well. OK yes my mad women ways still makes mountains out of mold hills especially know as I try to make the lives of my girls perfect. They are both about to become a year older hitting some miles stones in life.

Yes I am in panic mode because they are my little baby’s who are not quite babies any more. My oldest looks me straight in the eye and soon will most likely look down on me. My youngest know tells me she is no longer that little. Amazing I still can see clearly in my head the days that they were born. I am working my self into an emotional wreck thinking that we have made it through one more year of school and it’s been a hell of a ride. With that I wrote a poem to them both.

Seedlings

it's scary how

fast they grow

starting out as

little seeds

with love, hugs and lectures

blooming right in front

of me

rich in family roots,

tears, laughter and lots of love

as we cheer them on

to beautiful futures

My two 

beautiful little

ladies

                                                                                                Valle, M 5/31/2011

Samuel Johnson wrote, The Triumph of Hope over Experience

“Hope keeps our minds at ease, lowers stress and improves physical health. (_{Sharot, T 2011)}” What is hope it is the belief that events will turn out for the best. As I grow older I am trying to keep my mind set positive that my life will turn out for the best. That all the hard work I have been putting in to improve my life and that of my girls will turn out for the best. It keeps me moving to think that OK my situation might not be exactly the way I pictured it but it will get to were I am comfortable if I continue to push on putting in the hard work.

I am trying to convey to my girls that hard work, talent and yes a person making their own luck will help with shaping there futures. We do shape are lives if we want things hard enough then we should aim for it. I took the practical route in trying to shape my life. I know wonder if I should have learned to think out of the box earlier own and think big and do something different in life. By looking at my talents and just jumping in with two feet and doing it. I am still evaluating my talents and slowly doing what I enjoy. I want us all to keep the hope and to follow dreams no matter how old. Perhaps it will keep us a bit healthier and younger hopefully.

Reference

Sharot, R, The Optimism Bias (May 28, 2011). Retrieved May 31, 2011, from http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2074067-1,00.html

Sexy Toni Braxton

As I sit listening to some early Toni Braxton songs I understand her sex appeal. My boyfriend was in love with her when she just came out. Toni was just a hot and she rocked this sexy short hair cut and like a great body. Her voice is sexy in that low husky way and she just seem extremely confident. I love her because like me she is a beautiful brown skin woman with lots of sex appeal. Brown girls are far and few between on television so we need that boost sometimes and Toni give it to me. I like to look at images that are more relatable to me and the little girls I am raising. She is aging beautifully, still sexy confident, a great mom and still sexy. Love it keep it up Toni while you continue to bring excellent music to the world! 

30 Years of AIDS

30 years of AIDS and at this time still no cure. Treatment and ways of keep those who are diagnosed with HIV alive longer while living productive lives. The best way for protection against being affected for HIV is the use of protection during sexual encounters at all times. I was young during the beginning stages of the world dealing with this new disease. The faces of HIV and AIDS now does not discriminate teenagers just discover their body’s and sex along with older individuals who have found their sexy!

It is discussed more then when I was younger. It is no longer discusses as if it is a dirty secret. It affects more they Gay men or as they used to say Africans and yes Haitians. They face of AIDS does not discriminate. There still need to be a push on education on sexual health and protection against sexual disease in general. The Middle School were my daughter attends Health Ed teacher discusses sexual disease. Not discussed in the class were condoms in protecting against sexual diseases. Honestly I think young children need to learn about waiting to have sex, using condoms if it is decided and the complete consequences of the act of sex.

Yes there are better ways of treating HIV and AIDS to make life easier for those living with it. In my opinion preventing it is a matter of taking your life in your hand by using latex condoms all the time and making sure to test to know your status. While continuing to educate young people on not only HIV but on there body’s to treat it like a temple because you are only given on chance at life. So I will continue to have the condom talk with my daughter and not having sex until she is way older and mental ready for all that comes with being sexual active. 

Appreciation of a Child

My weekend did not go as plan which in my household is the usual. What started out as a simple oil change at turned out that “Big Blue” my name for my truck turns out she needed more work. That usually means more money that I just did not budget in this pay period. I already feel as if I am drowning in financial strain. Some are sexual frustrated I am financial frustrated looking for relief. This little hick up in my Saturday morning just happens to trickle down to my weekend with the girls. I did not realize how much I affected my daughter till she hands me a two page letter. Expressing her own frustrations so OK, I was not the best Mom this weekend. I did apologize by telling her I love her and I will work on how I deal with my frustrations.

I think what touched me most in her letter was the following:

You told me that I do not appreciate anything that you do/give me. That is not true. I am thankful for everything you and daddy give me. I don’t understand why you would say that to me!

So OK I feel like the worst parent but at times I do feel under appreciated. I feel like everyone just wants and takes while not taking the time to appreciate the sacrifices that I make. OK children most times do not realize that an adult is sacrifice to make sure that they have. It does seem that she appreciates all that is done for her. I will keep that in mind next time I feel that financial crunch. I would say just breath but I need an extra 20,000 in my yearly income so that I can breathe easier. The love of my daughter does make me feel a bit better about all that I do.

Lost Treasure of Pain

  

OK so my love life has always been rocky…some highs some lows some really awesome experience and some that just broke my heart. It has helped me to be the person that I am. I would love to say that I have learned from my experiences but honestly I am not sure. I should not place my happiness in someone else’s hands but it is what it is. I made it out intact and I love myself while making peace with my mistakes. I came across a poem written on Dec 16, 1997 12:36 AM inside a book entitle “Treasury of African Love poems & Proverbs” so my heart must have been going through something’s. I started my poem off with the following:

Wish you a New Year that is prosperous in genuine love. I hope the creator guides your heart & soul to what you are looking for and what you have always been searching for. Love Always even if you are not always with me…Thinking back I have no idea what the hell I was so upset over perhaps not so important. When you are young though being snubbed or rejected hurts deeply when you are still looking to shape who you are. When you free someone from yourself I am thinking you should free your heart and emotions and wish the person well. I have a hard time letting go, I become comfortable and resent the others freedom to just leave. I have grown up and want what is best for others and true happiness. I think it is because I have gotten older and realize that life is short and meant to be enjoyed. That you can not hold on to someone who needs to be free and see the world. We are all entitled to happiness especially me.

-         No Title-

It is better to have know you

It is better to have know your innocent smile

It is better to have know your kisses as soft as petals

It is better to have know your fire like passion

It is better to have know your masculine ego

It was wonderful to have know your quirky sense of humor

It was wonderful to have know your delicate sensible sense of love

Now that it is time to say good-bye

I am glad to have know love then

To have never experience it at all          

                                                                        Valle, M 12/16/97

       

                                                                       

Nurturing Self Happiness

It hit me like a brick last night while having a conversation with my partner that in a long time I am happy. You know really happiness just enjoying life and not trying to let little things in life take that happiness away. It just silently crept up on me that I am no longer leaving my happiness to someone else. I have been doing this for a very long time and it hit me that it is to much pressure for someone that you are involved with. This honestly can lead to some tense issues within the relationship anger and hostility.

You have to make yourself happy, understand what you want, who you want to be and what in life makes you happy. It is too much and to important to leave your happiness on someone else. I have also learned that if as an individual you are not happy there is nothing that anyone can do to make you happy. It is so easy to say that we must love are selves and do things to make us happy. Nurture our selves as individuals, truly get to know who we are and find that love with in to find happiness. It is not that happy sometimes we get into ruts, maybe even fear improving on us and just straight fearful of failure. Life is too short to let fear hold us back from finding happiness from within.

I no longer put the pressure of my happiness on someone else. It’s my life and I want to do things that I enjoy by doing things for me. I would like a health relationships with those in my life I want to find that balance between making me happy and those around me. It starts with me first because in the end if I am not happy no one else will be either. I can not be someone else’s savior I can hopefully be part of my saving. It was a very important brick that hit me called Happiness!!!

Transparent

When did someone’s sexuality become news worthy? Yesterday it seems when Don Lemon the 45 year old, CNN anchor came out to say that he was a gay man and was born that way. Perhaps he felt the need to share this fact because he has a memoir coming out called Transparent coming out this year sharing his life as a black man. Honestly he sexuality is none of my business as long as he continues to give me my mid day news fix is all that matters. Lemons says he is coming out at this time because “I think if you’re going to be in the business of news, and telling people the truth, of trying to shed light in dark places, then you’ve got to be honest. You’ve got to have the same rules for yourself as you do for everyone else. (Times 5/16/11)"

What I think would be more news worth would be if he did a segment on the fact that he was sexual abused as a child. A subject that is never discussed in the Black community to me would be a subject that merits discussion. That adults prey on young children not just the girls but boys also. The fact that sexual abuse of a child stays with them through out life that yes not all are strong enough to heal themselves. I think it would help to discuss this subject how he has over come his sexual abuse as a child to grow up to be a black male anchor on CNN to me more news worth then his sexual preference. His memoir thought sounds like it maybe interesting if he writes it honestly while he discusses his life growing up without a father, his sexual abuse as a child and his live as a gay man.

In the end we will never know if it was these two major factors in his life that lead him to being a gay man. He comes from a background that lots of young black men are living and men have lived. Parents need to look into how we do effect are children be more aware of young people, feelings, behavior for things that maybe going wrong within their lives. I believe that people are born with a sexual preference or two. Some fall in love with the person and it is not the fact that they are male, female or transgender they just love that person.

Don Lemon is entitled to love and who he loves is his business not news worthy. If I can find his book at a good price off of Amazon I will purchase it as a read. I feel he maybe a role model for young men who are looking to break into to news media. Some might argue why does a role model have to be a gay black man? He is a man who has made a career for himself in an industry were we do not see to much color. Don Lemon has not let past struggles, pains, fears hold him back to accomplish his goal. He also understands that they maybe backlash against him coming out as a black man.

 “It’s quite different for an African-American male,” he said. “It’s about the worst thing you can be in black culture. You’re taught you have to be a man; you have to be masculine. In the black community they think you can pray the gay away.”

“You’re afraid that black women will say the same things they do about how black men should be dating black women," he went on. “I guess this makes me a double minority now.”

No one should have to live in that manner afraid to be who they truly are. Just to make others happy! No happiness is the responsibility of the individual life goes by so fast. Don Lemon needs to live and enjoy his life regardless of how others may feel on sexuality. To me he is the same anchor person he was before he came out the closet, well spoken, attractive black man. Who he is in a relationship should not change how he is portrayed as a black man anchoring on CNN mid day.

Reference

CNN Anchor Don Lemon, Phoenix Suns President Rick Welts Come Out of the Closet (2011) Retrieved March 17, 2011, from http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2011/05/cnn_anchor_don_lemon_phoenix_s.html

Powers, L. (2011, May 16). CNN’s Don Lemon Reveals in Memoir: I’m Gay. Retrieved  from http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/cnns-don-lemon-reveals-memoir-188593

Brutal Love

Jokes on you if you feel LOVE will protect you from the brutal bitch they call LIFE. “I feel sorry for you”, if you think at the end of the day you will have LOVE to fall back on. Your short comings, failures, stress and majority of your problems will all derive from that that very thing…. LOVE

dEV!Ouz

May 11^th, 2011

Stupid Sometimes

sometimes you love me
i know this because of the
little kind things that you do
sometimes you hate me
i know this because of the
stupid little things that you do
my patience have flew the coop
leaving my emotions raw
eyes dry from too much tears
throat raw from screaming
damn as I end up screaming your name
while you trail kisses down my thigh
how do we end up like this?
sometimes you love me
i know this because of little things you do
sometimes you hate me
i know this because of the stupid little things I do

Valle M 5/12/11

For the Love of Band

First Chair

My daughter has made First Chair which means that she is the premier musician playing the Euphonium for her 6^th grade band class. She will be the one to take the lead for Euphonium section. I am very proud of her especial since she was placed into band by me under duress. She wanted to be part of the art program but I wanted her to step out of her comfort zone. She is good at art has a great eye for color, sketches very well and she is even good behind the lens of a camera. The compromise was to try band for a year and if she really did not like it then she was free to join the art program.

After a few months she fell in love with band. Put the time in to learn to read music, how to properly hold and play her instrument and play music. At the time she was a trombone player and I was starting to think perhaps I was mistaken with putting her into band. She is very dedicated to her new instrument the Euphonium because she puts in the work and loves learning new pieces and playing them around the house. All of the hard work over the past eight months has led her to being first chair. Her smile could have lit up a Christmas tree when she announced that she scored 98 out of 100 on her playing test. Her reward is first chair for the Euphonium section and a very proud mother.  

When I guided her towards band I am not sure what I expected. Along with a bit of guilt that perhaps I should have let her go with art. I just wanted her to take advantage of different opportunity’s available to her. Try new things and have fun while enjoying playing an instrument. She showed me up by truly enjoying playing music and working very hard to play well! She inspires me and shows me that stepping out of your box can be a great thing. I try to do what I preach by stepping are of my comfort zone and trying new things. I am trying to just enjoy life and go for it!

 

Condoms

In the May issue of Elle Magazine Will.I.am tells the magazine that women who have condoms in their house are ‘just tacky”.  Sorry Wil.I.am in this day and age women who carry condoms love themselves nothing tacky about placing our selves first. AIDS and HIV are still not curable there our still a slew of STD’s out in the world. It is important for women to take sexual health into their hands and carry condoms with them. In the heat of the moment if he doesn’t have one is it not excellent to pull out your own condom to continue.

How is carrying a condom tacky it protect not only from STD’s and unwanted pregnancy’s.  Both men and women have sexual needs why does the world act as if women should not enjoy sex as much as men. I am a firm believer of protecting my body, it is my temple and I love it. As women we exercise, eat well, like to look beautiful when we go out so it should be no issue in adding a condom to your purse with lips stick when heading out. We can not let something as important as sexual health in the hands of someone else when we can take the steps to protect ourselves.

As a parent I have been discussing STD’s, pregnancy and condoms with my daughter for about four years know. Yes absence is a great idea but we have all been young and honestly we know that passion can over rule at times. With that said I prefer for her to pull out her own condom to reduce risk of any unwanted problems. I am drilling into her head that a condom is need during sex at all times and testing for STD’s is a regular part of your routine health check up. Yes she is eleven but I want her armed with information and make condoms ingrained into her mind and soul.

We know that HIV and Aids is still a major part of our community’s it still like a dirty little secret. Maintaining health life styles is more important then not discussing sex, sexual orientation and condoms. It protects no one I feel that it harms more to send children out in the world without arming them with important information. As adult women we need to do whatever it takes keep us health. The only thing that is tacky about women carrying condoms are the men that feel that they should not wear them. Wil.I.am revaluates what makes a woman tacky because understanding her sexual needs and taking the means to protect her self is not.

Wil.I.am

The Girls Are Fine

Its amazing over the years my family has spread around. Leaving me at times on this island with residence made up of two girls and a dog full of laughs, jokes, yelling and procrastination. I love it most days while I wonder if my girls will need to lie on a coach one day pouring out their hearts to a Psychologist. Yesterday morning I was greeted with breakfast of eggs, waffles and juice along with goodie bowl of all my favorite snacks.

Mother’s Day meant to me that I am not doing a bad job raising my girls. They are simple amazing little people with home made cards, tees and apron’s that summed it up best we love you. I love them just as much perhaps more including my dog!!!! The girls are fine I should just enjoy them since they grow up so quick and just enjoying life.

Toni Braxton has Lupus

Toni Braxton has Lupus which I did not know until watching her show last night. I knew that she had a heart condition – this condition which she revealed last night to her family was caused by her Lupus. Watching her last night what stuck with me was the fact that she said that the life expectance is not high and that she worry’s about that because she has kids. She seems to be doing well but she did state that she does become fatigued quickly; stress is not a friend to her and just needs to relax at times.

Lupus has been put on my radar because a family friend’s daughter has just been diagnosed with the illness. I am a softy when it comes to children so I did a little reading to familiarize myself with the illness. At this time all is well with her and hopefully she will stay that way. My world is better when children stay health and it tilts just slightly when they are sick.

Lupus defined by the Mayo Clinic staff:

Lupus is a chronic inflammatory disease that occurs when your body's immune system attacks your own tissues and organs. Inflammation caused by lupus can affect many different body systems, including your joints, skin, kidneys, blood cells, heart and lungs.

Lupus occurs more frequently in women, though it isn't clear why. Four types of lupus exist — systemic lupus erythematosus, discoid lupus erythematosus, drug-induced lupus erythematosus and neonatal lupus. Of these, systemic lupus erythematosus is the most common and serious form of lupus. Some symptoms may include fatigue, fever, weight loss or gain, joint pain, stiffness and swelling, a malar rash on face that covers the cheeks and bridge of the nose.  A short list of risk factors, lupus is more common in women, most often diagnosed between the ages of 15 and 40, more common in blacks, Hispanics and Asians.

Over the years I have heard about Lupus and never realize how serious of an illness it is. Toni Braxton is very courageous to share with the world about her condition. Allow cameras to follow during her cardiology exam, breaking the news to family members and with the public at her award ceremony. She is putting a face to a disease that most do not know of unless they are diagnosed or someone close to them becomes diagnosed. It takes inner strength, a plan on staying health and the love of family along with friends to help deal with a chronic illness for individuals or to parent a child with a chronic illness.

                                                                             

Toni Braxton

                                                                                                      

Reference

Mayo Clinic staff. (2010) Definition. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/lupus/DS00115

Barack Obama has a Sense of Humor

I wanted to share this footage from April, 30^th 2011 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner. All I have to say if the President of this Country can sit back and laugh at some of the attacks on character, presidency, citizenship and what he has done in the past two plus years. He addressed most of those who have criticism that entire he has or has not done with a little comedy and humor. It is time for me to not take everything too seriously, or as if it is an attack on me and just chuckle a little like President Barack Obama. Sit back and enjoy his humor while I remember that it is OK to laugh at my self.

Reference

Blackamericaweb.com (May 2, 2011) Obama and Meyers Joke at the Correspondents’ Dinner. Retrieved from http://www.blackamericaweb.com/?q=articles/entertainment/gossip/28078

Thank You to all that serve in the US Military

Osama Bin Laden has been confirmed dead via a DNA match. Watching CNN this morning which is unusually for my morning rush just to confirm what I reviewed on my phones internet was correct. I was amazed to watch the footage of Americans outside of the White House celebrating the death of what has been the al-Qaeda face of terror since September 11^th 2011. My daughter did not understand that people were celebrating the death of a person.

It’s hard to explain that to a child but what I said is I think it was more of a huge breath being taken by people who have been living with fear. Fear of what happened ten years ago can happen again and we our not as safe and protected as we think. Hopefully this may help those who not only lived through 9/11 but who lost loved one, friends and co-workers feel a bit closer to closure. It’s a piece of history that will live with all of us who lived through it clearly in our hearts and minds.

I am thankfully for all those in the military who put their lives on the line for this country daily. All that they do and for the family and friends that they leave behind to serve and protect. A huge thank you to the special operations forces that took part on the raid yesterday and a bigger thanks to their family’s for there sacrifices also. Thanks to the commander and chief of this country along with his staff. This country will continue to protect its people from attacks and hopefully unite the people of this country to move us forward.

“And tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed on 9/11. I know that it has, at times, frayed. Yet today's achievement is a testament to the greatness of our country and the determination of the American people. President Barack Obama”

Reference

CNN Wire Staff. (May 2, 2011) Transcript: Obama announces the death of Osama bin Laden. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/asiapcf/05/02/bin.laden.announcement/index.html