Missing My Holiday Spirit

OK, so we have landed official in the Season of Giving…I can’t find the seasonal spirit within me. I thought about as I took my steaming hot shower which usually helps me unwind and find perspective. What I found is that I am really not in the Holiday Spirit. Not even the knowledge that my shopping is 95% done and all I have to do know is decorate and enjoy my girls.

The Holiday Spirit is just not what it once used to be to me at all. I used to be this Christmas and New Year Freak. I just enjoyed it having family, friends around to just sit and enjoy reminiscing with those closest to me. Over the past years a lot have change family’s relocate, I have lost touch with friends and a few family members and I am no longer in the same place regional and emotionally.

I think this is the major part that my Holiday Spirit has gone missing. Friends and family are extremely important to me and the major part of gatherings in my opinion. The fact that they are slowly disappearing from my life scares me just a bit. I maybe a tough as nails chick with this front of not needing anyone but when it comes down to it. I love having a few close people that I can count on to be there for my girls. There are a few and perhaps this year I will pack us up all in the truck and head out and enjoy the spirit of family this holiday.

Am I up to decorating at this time…Not a bit interested at all! I have decided this year will be the 12 days of Christmas in my household. Decorations will go up 12 days before which gives my time to prepare and hopeful catch a few discounts. Plus it gives me time to just clear up some of the cluttered accumulated during the year. A nice clean slate for the New Year hopefully by that time my Holiday Spirit will have been found in my mess of a closet perhaps.

Leap Frog to Christmas before Thanksgiving

OK, so this year I am not in the holiday spirit…honestly I am just not feeling like cooking. I feel like Christmas has just dropped into my lap and I haven’t even purchased my turkey breast. Lights are up, wreaths, trees and sparkle have already been decked. Hey slow down can I sit and enjoy the Holiday that surrounds its self around food, drink, desserts, family, friends, and lots of laughs.

No I don’t care to hear about what stores will be open at 5 am! Really let’s enjoy food and fun. Let me get my list together, hit the supermarket, attempt to cook an excellent meal for my family. I want to sit back and enjoy my girls and even the dog as we cook, bake and discuss everything under the sun. The last thing on my mind is Black Friday sales that have been bombarding us for at least two weeks.

We have been leaped forged from Thanksgiving to Christmas. This to me has reduced the holiday to an after thought to me it is the kick off to fun and enjoyment of the holiday season. It’s a time to just enjoy family without the pressure of over spending as we hold are breaths that are gift has been a hit. I can just sit back and enjoy family and friends while I think on OK, how I can improve a favorite dish from Thanksgiving for Christmas.

So OK today I will brave the grocery store in attempt to pull a lovely Thanksgiving meal. For my small family and whatever straggling friends who did not make it home for the holidays. Bring on the wine and dessert the best part of the day while I sit back and smile. I will check in tomorrow to let you know how the grocery shopping has went.

Pink is Loved in My Household

I love Pink not the color but the artist!!! She is amazing her lyrics speak to me. The women is a bad-ass, beautiful, talented and yea just don't give a Fu*k got love her. She is up in your face and understands that she just doesn't fit into that Diva mold that is set for stars. So what who cares Raise your glasses and celebrate that we are perfect wrong in all the right ways.

 

I love Pink her lyrics are completely bad ass! She voices things that us girls who are not Pretty in Pink, Sugar and Sweets, say the right things at all the perfect times and dress for us. Those of us who have stopped trying to fit in and have accept who we are. Women who have grown up looked in our mirrors and said who cares this is me, I love me, and world get ready because I am about to set this world on fire. That's Pink giving voice to all of  "nitty-gritty, dirty little freaks" that's what we are out here trying to make our way in the world.

 

Crazy I have loved Pink for ten years I am amazed that she is 31 and pregnant with her first born daughter. I still think of her of that kick ass chick with Pink hair crashing a bike through a window! I think she is going to be wonderful in install to her child to just embrace and love yourself. That's what I am trying to instill in my own children. That you most likely do not look like the image on TV but you are beautiful, intelligent, fun and just amazing. Never, ever let anyone tell you different. I have to keep that in my own head that I am amazing because sometimes the world and people in it will attempt to destroy the self esteem you have put in place for yourself.

 

For ten years I have loved her and for the past I would say two my daughter has discovered her and fell in love also. We sit in the car and sing out along with Pink "So raise your glass if you are wrong, In all the right ways, All my underdogs, We will never be never be anything but loud, And nitty gritty dirty little freaks" as we dance. I can just imagine what is going through the mind of other drives but who cares I am bonding with my child. Its amazing because she doesn't understand my love of Prince she thinks he looks like a drag queen, or my love of Rick James that one she just doesn't see even though she will dance to it a bit...So Pink she loves and understand.

 

To that I raise my glass and smile her Greatest Hits CD...So Far will be a stocking stuffer this year. The Destruction of not being ordinary!

 

Destruction of Family History

I have come to understanding that saying you don’t know where you going unless you know where you come from. I come from people who have inner strength, vision, dreams, style, and deep love of family. I am grateful for all the sacrifices and risk that they took in life to get me to where I am at this time. For this I will always be grateful for the life that I have lived instead of the one I could have had. I am a child of immigrants from Haiti.

I know bits and pieces of my father’s life in Haiti, things that he did during his youth, the fact that he grew up without his mother who died while he was an infant, that he traveled, and that he was a tailor. I picked up some of this knowledge from listening to his conversations with family and friends. I never sat down and spoke to him on his life amazing right. My daughters Language Arts class is studying biographies so they are to interview a family member or friend. She has chosen to interview her grandfather for this assignment. The hour that was spent asking my father questions was an eye opener for me.

My father has a rich background with what seems like death at a young age of people who shape are lives. His mother died six months after giving birth to him, and from that point he was raised by his grandmother. She then died when he was eight years old leaving him to be raised by family members and then his step mother. Through this I think he enjoyed life, school, family, and friends and then when he got older he enjoyed traveling and learning the trade of tailor. He gave us a glimpse to the difference of Haiti then to what it is know. The beauty of the trees, the fruit, the way that money stretched to feed families, the lack of worry and the love of family. The love of family is what has stuck with me over the years that and his stylish sense of style.

Destructing your origins gives you insight into your parents and who they are. I think I mostly enjoyed listening to him and my daughter as she prodded him for more details into his life and things that he enjoyed. We laughed on his explanation on what made him interested in my mother. It was more then her looks but her potty mouth and the way she always spoke her mind without holding back. It’s funny because I have inherited my mother’s potty mouth and my girls always speak their minds sometimes talking before thinking. I see it is a family trait! I say go out and just talk to an older family member or friend it always enlightening to see who they were raised or how it was while they grew up. If nothing else you will have an enjoyable time and learn a bit of history in your own backyard that you did not know existed.

I am still working on who I am but if my father is a testimony of where I am going. It’s a ride that I am going to enjoy for myself and taking my family with me. I try to write down little bits of information that may interest my girls later. I keep little bits of fashion that they may enjoy and want to incorporate into there lives. I also keep cards, correspondence or little notes that my show future generations who I was! I want to live a rich legacy of family behind.

Destruction of the lack of Confidence

I know that my lack of confidence in myself has held me back from going after my dreams. My lack of confidence has held me back and sealed myself into a box. As if there is nothing more to me or what I can accomplish but small things. It’s so not true I have so much more to offer the world then what I have so far. I always here to be happy and succeed in life is to do what you love the most. It comes down to what I love the most. Is a word I love words they can convey such emotion, tell story’s draw pictures in the mind, suck you, and may even change your life. Its time to jump start my confidence level, from how I dress, to were I plan on going in life, and just not to be scared to live life.

Per Merriam-Webster Dictionary it’s a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances. I need to find my powers and rely on it to help change my life. Reviewing scores of magazines monthly looking to see what is new or the latest fashion. The cover that has stuck in my mind this month is the cover of the November 2010 issue of Marie Claire with Victoria Beckham. The form Spice Girl just glows with confidence, and amazing style. I stopped, stared, look for the article on Victoria Beckham to reading her story. I could have also been intrigued by the fierce leopard print coat she was wearing! Either which way she has become one of my go to women to try and find my inner confidence when it comes to fashion, when it comes to were I am going. I have to find what I am really good at and not dwell on what I am not.

We all do it down ourselves on what we can not do. The word cannot, should never be part of our vocabulary. If tell my children that they should never tell me that they can not do something! Then there is no excuse for me to ever use the words in what I would like to accomplish in life. Things that are worth having in life should be worth taking a leap of faith and just do it. Victoria Beckham has helmed her fashion senses and looks perfect every time she steps out. She knows what she is good at and what she is not this she has spun into her own fashion line. We all have something that we are amazing at it should be what we share with the world.

Myself I feel that I have the gift of gab….verbal, written, I love to share my thoughts and opinion. Over the years I have learned to temper my feelings and attempt to give more neutral opinions. I still keep little journals were I write everything, poems, grocery list, to do list and ideas. I hope that I am able to one day soon take that leap of faith and share with the world what I am good at.  

Destruction of Plan A

OK its time to destroy Plan A of my life it is not like it has been on the right track. Nothing that I have planned for my future has turned out quite right. Plans of my youth, college days or the early days after graduation have turned out any way near what I wanted. My life track has fallen off the track and has just run wild doing its own thing. As go through my 12 step plan of rearranging my life I need to look within and follow my heart.

I was asked this amazing question that through my world into a kilter!!! What is my Plan B if what I have planned doesn’t go quite perfect! Honestly nothing I have planned has gone perfect. My life seems to be a Plan B. I do know that I want to help young people in my community. Complaining about how young people are turning out doesn’t help volunteering and getting out and spending time with them. That may just be what a young person needs to help change the path of there life. I am looking for organizations at this time were I will be able to help out and you never know make a difference.

I took the time out of a Sunday afternoon late in October to volunteer with my daughter at the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. It touched me to watch Survivors both, men, and women, family’s, friends and groups of people come together to fight this disease. The face of breast cancer fills the spectrum it can take a whole of anyone. I was touched, and changed by there courage and they offered thank you for us giving a few hours of our time on a Sunday. It’s amazing how we can affect others or they can touch us. I think my daughter was a bit inspired to be able to talk to different people and hand them a tee shirt. She enjoyed it and I think they enjoyed us.

My Plan B is on the way to changing my life completely! I look forward to this path I am venturing on! As I redefine myself and destroy the old. Maybe not destroy but rework who I am! I am still looking within because I am not sure who the hell I am! I am on my way to finding who I am and yes I will continue to share with the world the destruction of Plan A and the Plan to find myself.

Destruction of Me

The destruction of my old self I have official come face to face with my inner moment of Motherhood. While I standing around for my first Middle School Football game watching from the outside the socialization of children. They are not quite children and no where near teens as they come to understand who they our. Its amazing they all have some sense of what they want to look like you can tell by there clothing, friends and how they stand around talking. Enjoy socializing with each other more then actually watching the game children our children just enjoying the freedom on young. With the pressures of doing well in school, making friends, wear the right outfits to express their personalities.

I think that my children are beautiful but let’s realize that I am seeing this through a mother’s eye….! It was different to see that a boy of eleven actually thinks that my daughter is cute. He builds his courage up to walk over to where we stood and ask her for her phone number. My child stood there look like a fish out of water trying to intake air. She blinked and walked away leaving the poor boy looking after her. It blew my mind that I never really realize that yes boys will someday like her. My inner bombshell shudders at the idea of boy’s or her future crushes. Her fifth grade crush lasted a minute with her thinking that he was completely immature and not worth her time. At this time she feels that no boy in her school is attractive and quite a few are immature. She fails to realize that doesn’t mean that boy’s will not float into her bubble because they think they are cute.

What I have learned from my daughter is just to be your self! Yes I taught her this but do not use it in my daily life to often. Trying to impress and make a good impress while loosing myself. I have loosened up quite a lot. While enjoying myself, feeling freer to express my true self with what I put on, adding fun jewelry pieces and my new statement pieces being belts. They allow me to standout and are my signature that says BombShell when you see me coming. All BombShells need a signature that speaks volumes on who we our!!! Let’s aim to find our signature and be true to ourselves as we look to grow a new as we destruct the old.

Introductions are needed

Greetings,

I would like to introduce my self Jacqueline Noir and yes it is my pen name. To protect those that I love from humilation, hurt feelings or just cracking up at the nut that I am. Plus every lady has an alias when they go out! Destruction of Glitter is me smashing the rose colored glasses that I have been hiding behind for the past decade or so. Its time for me to have fun and be just a little naught!!! As they say bad girls have more fun I am on a mission to find out. As my sister has dubbed my blog the 12 Step Program to finding the real me that is hidden within me!!

Who am I a semi single mom of two children a middle schooler and a preschooler. Who believes in pro choice when it comes to life. We all have are own lives to live and know can live it for us but us. I have made the decision to go and catch some happiness. I plan on having a good time while I do it. So buckle up and join the ride, it may get a little bumpy, teary, loud, and crazy but in the end my inner bombshell will be revealed!