Friendship

Gosh, not an easy thing being a good friend which at times I am good and at others the worst. The definition given by Merriam-Webster online is an attachment to another by affection or esteem it could also be a favored companion. Such a simple definition friendship is based on having affection for someone or as when we were children a favored companion. It should hold some give and take, openness, and trust not controlling or pretty at all times.

I think in my search of being perfect I closed my self off and certain situations left me not being able to trust. In which I think I lost one of my very best friends. Unable to share a major crisis that took place in my life that changed me drastically due to my fear of having to open up to my sheer stupidity. All for the farce of keeping face that my life just could "suck as bad as it did!”  It proved that I was no where perfect and very human.  

I pulled myself hurts and all from friends, family things that I loved. Hide my hurt and dealt with them in the manner that was not health for my self or my friendships. Once I grew from my hurt and pain enough to finally let them in. Life moved on along with them it’s hard not to have my oldest friend not be around. For her not to know my girls not being able to sit and talk while having drinks. It saddens me to have lost a long time friend over my immaturity. That my attempts at reaching out have fallen flat I so suck at being a friend but learning from my errors. Attempt to listen, offer advice once in a while when asked and most of all just be there when needed.

I have been working hard on improving my relationships with others. It just seems easier to handle issues and problems on my own. The past few years I have grown quite a lot allowing others to help reduce my burdens. In the words of my sister “sometimes I just need you to listen and let me vent.” It’s good to have that because the end results of not having that maybe a person ending up crazy. I am trying to retain my sanity so I seek out others these days I trust more in my friendships and myself.

"17 Again no Just Enjoying Life"

My girlfriend celebrated her Birthday this weekend in a style that so fitted her personality and lifestyle. In her words “she is seventeen again” as she went to the Legends of Rap concert. Front row, danced up a storm while rapping along with some of her favorite

 rappers growing up. I live through her and she doesn’t even know it. She can travel the way that she likes, have dinner with friends at the drop of a dime, hang out on the weekends, and just get up and go at easy importantly loving every minute of her life.

I would not give up my girls for anything in this world. They have help to make me a better person, work harder, and roll with the punches. In life we can not think in the past and get caught up in what could have, should have the past can not be changed perhaps we can learn from it.  From my girlfriend I have learned to enjoy life take the time to do things for yourself as an individual. Take the time to just make you happy.

Which will have to start with me to a movie of my choice sitting alone in the theater and just enjoying a movie with out complaints, bathroom breaks, or needing a snack. I think we all deserve time for our self to enjoy things that make us happy. Their should be no guilt for pleasing yourself its OK to do nice things for yourself as you do for others. It’s the hardest thing for me to do pamper myself. Guilty consumes me because I start to think of all the things that I can do for my children if I purchase something for myself. I need to start putting my happiness first also so I have no regrets later in life.

Thank you to one of oldest dearest friend who always brings a smile to my face and has me laugh out loud. I appreciate your stories, especially the play by plays of great concerts. As I live vivaciously through the great experiences. It is time for me to step out and enjoy life more then I have.  

Bring On Spring

Spring is right around the corner I can feel it in the air. The beautiful unexpected weather that I have experiences the last couple of days. Being able to sit on my patio on a beautiful Sunday in February and feel the sun on my face. An exhilarating feeling that has me excited for spring my wardrobe on the other hand is not so ready.

After making peace with the body, aging, hair, I am not just content with myself but happy. Smiling when I walk past a mirror with the feel comfort in my own skin. Bring on spring and all the beautiful colors that seem to be making a resurrection. My preference this year is to tough biker girl chic with a sprinkle of lady like dresses and skirts. Warm weather allows for us ladies to show legs. I plan on putting my assets on display my beautiful smile and clear skin.

Spring will be the premier of my lady like attire with a little toughness. Leave behind my happy times of pulling on jeans, cargos, and tiny skirts. Reinventing myself through my spring wardrobe I will add my favorites black A-line skirts, full skirts, tailored pants, crispy button up shirts, and very comfortable sexy heels. Before adding more to my closet I plan on purge things that will never ever be worn regardless if tags our still hanging from them.

Once my purging is done excluding purses and bags. I will start looking for the pieces that I am coveting now as follows, a tan trench, leopard pumps, nude pumps, a 1950 style dress, a pair of grey slacks, along with a grey skirt, a citrus blazer or feminine top, and a well pair of fitted black slacks. My heart has fallen in loved with the angelic look of nude make up with natural looking lips for day. Plus smoky sexy eyes for night have been made easy by L’Oreal Paris “The One Sweep Eye Shadow”. It will be an inexpensive way to change my look and feel sexy this spring.

Jump into spring with bright colored to add a little fun to life. I love warm weather, the fun of running out the house without outwear and just sitting on my patio enjoying the peace and quiet as I mental see how I can get at least three things off my coveted list. At this point I am just looking forward to warmer days.

 

Spread Love

Happy Valentines Day to us all love to me is a special gift given to another. The definition is strong affection for another, attraction based on sexual desire, affection and tenderness. If at any point in your life you our touch with it protect. It should not matter who a person loves regardless of skin color, race, religion, or sexual orientation. It’s the fact that they have found someone who loves them with their flaws and all. Learning to be more tolerant of others and what makes them different from us.

We live in a world that can be closed minded when it comes to others who are different. To those who are fearless enough to step out of the box to be free and true to themselves. Thank you, Marsha Ambrosius for the video that is in such heavy rotation for such a beautiful song “Far Away”. Her video portrays the pain and hurt that homosexuals go through by trying to just be true to them selves. As they come out to family, friends and the world about who they truly our and to live their lives while dealing with the opinion of others. Life is difficult enough that love can be denied look down on and scorned by others.

It should not matter who a person love as long as they find it. Nourish it, enjoy it and appreciate that person in there live that accepts them for who they our. Does it really matter who a person loves or what they do in the privacy of there own space. Spread love during this month and try to be more tolerant of others especially young people who are coming into themselves. It would be sad to go through life not being true to yourself and never finding someone to love because of fear.

Marsha Ambrosius single “Far Away” from her upcoming album February 22^nd 2010 Late Nights, Early Mornings (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofsib2eu02o)

“Dear friends, every year over 1 million people commit SUICIDE. Some were BULLIED because of their SEXUALITY. I lost a friend to SUICIDE, and I’m asking all of you to support alternative lifestyles,” Marsha states. “Don’t put up with or join in with BULLYING. It’s time we become more aware in this WORLD. Take a responsibility to make a difference. So if my MUSIC can save one life, I’ve done my job.”

Love for Tiger Mother

In keeping with this month’s theme of love is it wrong to want our children to succeed and surpass what we have accomplished. Is this not what we all want for our children to be the best and to shine? The backlash of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and author Amy Chua at this time is receiving. The book is the memoir of her experience of raising her two daughters and expecting nothing but perfection. Based own her childhood raised by strict Chinese parents.

“It’s a tough world out there.” Amy Chua told Meredith Vieira of the Today sow on Jan. 11^th 2011. She is absolutely right we have to prepare our children for the real world. It benefits children to know that life is extremely tough that to it takes hard work to succeed along with an education and skills. Yes Ms Chua might seem extremely tough but she is preparing her girls to enter a world of tough competition to climb to the top.

I expect the best from my children, education is very important, creative ideas and thinking out of the box is important in my household. Unlike Ms Chua I will accept B’s prefer A’s but anything lower is not excitable it’s ingrained in my oldest to aim for high grades. I start looking for tutors, she what the problem might be to rectify the grade. Growing education was a major part of my household good grades where required. A bit handicapped with the fact that my parents picked up the language through night classes and interaction at work. Depending on myself to study hard, complete my homework and projects with little help from my parents except math which my father is pretty. Not accept failure because I needed to make my parents proud.

My expectation for them is to put in the hard work to accomplish goals that they set for themselves. “It’s a tough world out there” I want my children to be extremely prepared to step out on their own college is right around the corner. My oldest is looking to move far away from home were she will have to take her education, socialization and while juggling her finances. Everything that I do for my children is out of love and the idea that I will not be able to be with them forever I would like for them to fulfill life dreams never having to think what ifs?

Role Models In Life

As I have gone through life quite a few people have touched me. A few so far have left quite an imprint on me. It saddens me that they have past and I never took the time to let them know how much they have helped to shape me as a woman. Four women who touched me life and I doubt before they past that they even knew that they touched me at all. They left imprint’s on me each for different reason from beauty, style, grace, and the talent for being friendly I learned from each of them.

Yvonne’s style surpassed fashion but extended to how she decorated her home. I wanted to emulate her sense of style her flair for decorating that was so effortless. Yvonne’s strength amazed me as single black woman maneuvering through the corporate world. She opened her home and heart to also raise her niece showed the bond of family. Yvonne’s was my role model of how I wanted to be as an adult. Love myself, put pride in my cloths, home and loved my family fiercely while wanting the best for them. It saddens me when I heard of her death because I doubt she knew how much she touched my life.

Priscilla always showed my kindliness when I walked through her doors. She had this spirit that everyone loved that came into contact with her. You just had to respect her because she spoke her mind holding no punches with her honesty. A single mother of five who loved her children fiercely with lots of jokes and honest. I never met anyone like her and have not since meeting her that a whole neighborhood knew, loved and respected. From Priscilla I learned to speak your mind, take the time to talk to all and love your children regardless of what life throws your way or theirs.

Tate’ Victoria was the perfect image of grace, style and perfection. My great aunt on my father’s side was my role model for waking up and looking perfect no matter what! Inspired my sense of style while be comfortable in within your own skin. I loved to watch her put her hair in a chignon with shades of grey throughout her hair. Lightly dusting her face with some face powder, dress in a simple dress and be ready to go make breakfast. It’s like she wasn’t complete until she did that. Tate’ was always put together no matter how she was feeling. Her laughter which seemed to come from deep within her it was very contagious would fill up our house when she visited during the summers.

These three women touched me at different points in my life.  Their strong personalities imprinted so much in me that stayed with me up until now. Taken bits and pieces of what I observed from them and attempt to incorporate into who I am. From where they are now I hope they know the love that I had for them and that they touched my life. It saddens me at time that my girls will not know them and the joy that they gave this world I hope to pass on what I learned to them. My special thanks to their family’s for sharing them with me.  

Chaos

Chaos

confusion

complete

utter confusion

the state of

my so called

life

through Vaseline covered

lens it seems

so completely

perfect

its nothing but a

mistake

Chaos

is where I live

fear

of ending

something

that died

long ago so beautifully

Chaos

Ooh how unpredictable

i can be

especially the

fickleness of my heart

i do think love

has left me

indefinitely in

Chaos

M Valle

Beauty Lies

underneath the layers of scars

true beauty lays within

delving into the deep end of my soul

of you dare to

peal away the layers of

Anger

Hurt

Bitterness

left within the folds of my soul

by those who reside

before you came along

what I allow you to see

so called beauty is an

illusion a trick of the hand

nothing truly real

you haven’t seen my true beauty

that lay’s within my scars

i have boxed it up

tied a beautiful bow

hid it in the attic of my heart

to afraid to delve in the

deep end of me

to afraid of happiness

know only fear

Pain

Darkness

perhaps your strength

is enough to save the

True Beauty

within

                                                                       M. Valle 

Drag = Self Confidence

How sexy is a person who oozy’s self-confidence? Extremely sexy! Per the counseling center at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign “self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and their situation. Key point in this whole definition is a positive view of self. It tool starts with the individual and not what others think of us. As long as we like what we see when we look at ourselves then who cares what others think. As individuals we should have the belief in ourselves and abilities to accomplish goals that we have set.

Self-confidence built it initiates from our parent’s attitudes to how children grow up feeling about themselves. The acceptance that we receive from our parents help to build up how we feel about ourselves and how we see ourselves. Peers and friends also help us to define how we see ourselves along with society. In the end it is how we define ourselves that is most important to help us build our self-confidence along with accomplishing goals that we have set. We are given the tools and it is up to us to create what we will with it so easy to say then accomplish.

In the beautiful words of RuPaul “If you don’t love yourself how, the hell you gonna love someone else?” So much truth in that statement you have to love yourself first have confidence in whom you our and what you can accomplish. In search of some confidence take a look at a female impersonator it takes serious confidence to put on heels, make up and just do the damn thing. To do what makes you happy, use creativity, step out the box and what society dictates to be yourself. An excellent example of self-confidence know who you our, love who you our, know your talents, and put them to the best use possible.

The article from University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign as individuals we are our worst enemy’s by not believing in ourselves. All the little things that I do myself by latching on the bad or getting caught up on my looks. Looking at the positive and reach out and grab what I want from life not just except what life has given me. It’s my job to emphasize my strengths, take risk, and evaluate myself along with constantly giving myself pep talks. Self-confidence is what makes a person shine and defiantly is a sexy quality so love your self first regardless.

Reference

(2008), Self-Confidence. Counseling Center, Retrieved February 2, 2010 http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=191

Love Sick

Welcome to February which should be known as the month of the “love sick” I am an utter romantic. I am in love with watching older couples that hold hands while walking down the street. The ones who still look at each other with eyes full of love and happiness. They make me believe that it is possible for others to find someone that makes them completely happy and feel safe in knowing that they are loved.

My journey this month begins with me “Black Girl in Paris” a novel by Shay Youngblood. When I think of the most romantic city in the world it is Paris, France. Someday I will ride the elevator up to the top of the Eiffel Tower and look down on the city of lights. Sit at a little café’ and drink coffee while eating a lovely pastry filled with decadent chocolate. The main character Eden moves to Paris to experience freedom, creativity, discovering her self while let the city speak to her.

Let’s enjoy the best of February it’s the month of love, Black History, and yes the shortest month of the year. It brings us closer to spring. The slow reveal of that beautiful body that we our working hard to improve. Window shop for the latest season’s fashions I am thinking great pump and purse in citrus colors. To ad a punch of color to my life and accessory’s while I keep my uniform of black. What my heart really desires is a beautiful pair of leopard stilettos. While I search for a pair I will also keep my eyes open for those beautiful loving older couples to keep my hope of eternal love alive! Take the time to celebrate Black History month by reading a black author they have captured life through a kaleidoscope that is black prospective.