Never Satisfied

“Never stay satisfied if in a routine means I am comfortable. If I am comfortable it means I am not challenging myself. This ultimately means I am settling and not growing!” This answer my sister gave me in regards to her career. I stopped to look at my life that has hit a rut in the past few months. Once I completed Grad School I have been afloat with little to no direction to my next step in life. At this time has been filled with trying to stay afloat of bills that come with raising children and building a family that I may have lost focus on personal goals. They are what keep us motivated to challenge ourselves in daily life, work, and even raising our children. I have let myself become comfortable its time to shake things up try new things while stepping out of my comfort area. I demand this of children so why should I not demand this of myself. A friend yesterday forward to me information about life and career coaches. I have made the decision to try this program out to help me with direction in the next step of my life and career.

shattered

yesterday as we laid

limbs intertwined

where you ended

and I began

unable to distinguish

today you looked

right through me

as if we

never laid

the beauty of what

we shared

know stained

as you move

on to the

next

leaving me to

examine the shards

of my heart

Valle, M 3/30/11

(Inspired by a conversation last night with my bestie)

Thing Called Love

that thing called love

destroys the sanity

of my soul

     while dragging my heart

     with it to the depths

of misery

             turning me into a whirlwind

             of destruction  

             taking all the good

                         the last of my sweetness

 with it

                        As I stand here

surveying the destruction

that I caused to my heart

not

            you

                        but me as I believed

                        in that stupid

thing we call love                     

                                                                                    Valle, M 3/23/11

Inspiration from a friends Facebook post

on 3/23/11 she should kow who she is.

Love you girl!

Fireworks Trilogy Part III

Fireworks

Salute

to the one that holds my heart

Life
I am sorry I have strayed away from you this long
A toast

lets us live like there is no tomorrow

Yes
I know that "together" does not mean "forever"

and yes
I am aware our love is not guaranteed
My actions

are thee only thing that is considered permanent
And to this I say

“Let us live to the fullest & leave the rest to bleed to death”
Life, I love you

dEV!Ouz

THE KEY TO SELF-EXPRESSION IS

Kim Rosen

THE KEY TO SELF-EXPRESSION IS…Dismantling the walls between our inner experience and our outer expression. We often survive by presenting a false self to the rest of the world. But at some point we have to let that go because it becomes a prison.

From the April 2011 issue of O The OPRAH Magazine

The prison called our selves that we lock up our hurts, anger, doubts, and mistakes that can not be taken back. I take all of mine and shove them into a little black box and lock them up inside were they never see the light of day. Every once in a while life takes it toll on me and that little box starts to unravel and the world sees a side of me that is not perfect but very human and defiantly my inner experiences. My past has dictated my issues with trust, love, friends, and family tightening my inner circle. While I keep emotions locked tightly within and sharing very little.

Attempt to keep my outer expression as positive, nice - normal and happy as possible. My eclectic sides along with opinions that do not fit the norms of society slip out.  It is what I call self preservation so that I fit into what I see is life while keeping my heart and soul intact. In my attempt to fit into society’s so called norms more like fitting in and not sticking out in the corporate world. What I have realized the world needs individuality and true self expression. With maturity I have shed a lot of my walls and with my true self loud, colorful, brash, fun, and a nurturer. We can imprison ourselves while we protect ourselves afraid of sharing ourselves with the world. I am slowly learning to let the world just get to know me warts and all!

Trilogy by dE\/|0uz

To discover who you are, one must channel their inner self. Life brings constant change never adapt to your current surroundings. The element of surprise is not anticipating the attack. Live your days as there are no nights…

«Trilogy»
I. Folktale

II. The Element of Surprise

III. Fireworks

dE\/|0uz

Demise

does Death creep up

slowly with it’s cap

blowing behind it

tap it’s next victim

lightly on the shoulder

look within the soul

without fight slowly

life is gone

Or

does Death quickly

come upon an

unsuspected foe

snatching them

to unsuspected

place called demise

Either

way the living left

to grieve while celebrating

in the life of the

taken

Valle, M 3/16/11

I am

I am adventurous and fashionable
I wonder about famous fashion designers
I hear the music on the runway
I see the models walking
I want to be a fashion designer or model
I am adventurous and fashionable

I pretend to sky dive
I feel the wind beating my face
I touch the parachute
I worry about all the bad things that could could happen in my life instead of the good
I cry for the people in need
I am adventurous and fashionable

I understand the rules of fashion and modeling
I say that my dreams will come true
I try to do all the best things in life
I hope my mother will live forever 
I am adventurous and fashionable

Joi Imani March 2011

Moment

In the moment

 I can feel

   the lost of me

As all hope

  quickly dissipates

     my mission of          

 myself

Gone so quickly completely

  in this moment

   my need

 to know not the answers

  of life

    just simply my

       purpose

Quickly before losing

       myself

    my purpose

In this moment

Valle, M

The End

the end of a romance

Is never like a beginning

a simple break

unexpectedly like a pop

of a balloon

looking to the sky

spreading your wings

as you take flight

Soaring

leaving me unexpectedly

to pick up pieces of a shattered heart

perhaps it’s not my heart

Honestly in truth

its more my pride

Love

i proclaimed with my lips

my heart never truly felt

doubt lived closely in my heart

praying for my flight

as i look toward the sky

to find away through

Darkness

yes the sweetness of

the beginning of a romance

in the end it

just is nothing

like the beginning

Valle, M 3/10/11

Redemption

Back from mass to begin the starts of Lent were penance, reflection and fasting prepares us for the Resurrection of Christ on Easter Sunday. The church uses the word redemption that means to redeem one self of sins and wrong doing. Which brings me to what do I want to redeem myself for it would be my short temper. I need to learn to breath and calm myself before opening my mouth. Which at times lead to words or actions that I regret and would be Ungodly? The Priest said something that stuck with me its only about sacrifice but about doing things that we do not like.

At first I was going to give up yelling and all caffeinated beverages. Giving up yelling should help me to refocus my energy to more positive actions. Think the problem through and be more clear head before acting. It is so easy to say but it is going to take a lot for me not to snap and yell when asking my oldest daughter to clean her room. Tell my youngest to stop whining because she can not get her way. I am giving up caffeine because I have been leaning on tea and soda to help calm me down. It is not a good idea to become addicted for my day to go smoothly.

I have decide yes all caffeine and chocolate I so love chocolate yum. That is gone for the next 45 days. Bring in my stash of chocolate into work. I will be working on my listening skills since I was told by an eleven year old that I do not do it well. That along with not yelling should improve me and make me closer to God. I would like to add some mediation in the morning to start my day I end my day on reflection and prayer. I hope to come out of these six weeks of redeeming myself as a better calmer person.

Reference

Retrieved Catholic Online, March 9, 2011, Ash Wednesday, http://www.catholic.org/clife/lent/ashwed.php

Little Fist of Fury

My youngest daughter is a spit firer who amazes me daily. Yes she has a thirst for knowledge, loves running, playing and all things girlie. Until she reduced me to a flabbergasted mother when told that her sweet natured child hauled off and punched a little boy in the eye. I was speechless it is hard to do to render me with no words. I was not expecting this bit of information yes she has become a bit more talkative in class. In her teachers words “she has found her voice.” I have discussed this with her also but I it is like she gets into class and forgets the no talking when asked to quiet down.

When asked and prodded by my oldest on the reason for hitting the little boy her answer was that he was following her around and looking at her notebook. This would follow with her teacher’s explanation that the little boy is one that gets into a bit of trouble. Still as I told my child as she looked at me with her big brown eyes that it is not right to hit. She would not like for anyone to hit her so she doesn't have the right to hit anyone. The proper way to handle issues that she is having in classes is to raise her hand and let her teachers no what the issue is.

Her punishment is not television or dessert till Saturday. Once night time rituals completed and I have read her book I again tell her that she is going to leave this little boy alone. Her response is “well he won’t leave me alone.” I tell her she is not allowed to take it into her own little fist of fury. The fact that she wants to be like her big sister may be the saving grace in raising my little Laila Ali. Something advice our better received coming from a sibling then a parent.   

 Laila Ali

Mentoring A Child

OK, I  final feel like I have accomplished something by starting my process of becoming Big Sister.  I am hoping to touch the life of a young girl for the better. Perhaps getting them to step out the box and try some new activities, foods, and ideas. I am tired of complaining about the behavior of young people while doing nothing about it. Change does not come with individuals sitting on the sidelines. It takes place with individuals getting out and putting in the effort to make really change. The fact is we need men to mentor our young boys our need for many mentoring organizations. The Big Brothers organization is always looking for male mentors. Its time we step up and help to pave a positive path for young people. Below our two websites that can help you find volunteer and mentoring opportunities.

Big Brothers Big Sister ww.bbbs.org, wwwlkaleidoscope-kids.org,