Quick Moving Life

It amazes me how fast time really goes by. I can still picture myself in my old room at my home in Brooklyn. Rearranging my clothes, shoes or just sitting on my floor reading a book. Life was so simple back then even thought I made mountains out of mold hills. Trying to paint my future to my idea of perfection it has not worked out that way at all. The crazy thing is it is working out pretty well. OK yes my mad women ways still makes mountains out of mold hills especially know as I try to make the lives of my girls perfect. They are both about to become a year older hitting some miles stones in life.

Yes I am in panic mode because they are my little baby’s who are not quite babies any more. My oldest looks me straight in the eye and soon will most likely look down on me. My youngest know tells me she is no longer that little. Amazing I still can see clearly in my head the days that they were born. I am working my self into an emotional wreck thinking that we have made it through one more year of school and it’s been a hell of a ride. With that I wrote a poem to them both.

Seedlings

it's scary how

fast they grow

starting out as

little seeds

with love, hugs and lectures

blooming right in front

of me

rich in family roots,

tears, laughter and lots of love

as we cheer them on

to beautiful futures

My two 

beautiful little

ladies

                                                                                                Valle, M 5/31/2011

Samuel Johnson wrote, The Triumph of Hope over Experience

“Hope keeps our minds at ease, lowers stress and improves physical health. (_{Sharot, T 2011)}” What is hope it is the belief that events will turn out for the best. As I grow older I am trying to keep my mind set positive that my life will turn out for the best. That all the hard work I have been putting in to improve my life and that of my girls will turn out for the best. It keeps me moving to think that OK my situation might not be exactly the way I pictured it but it will get to were I am comfortable if I continue to push on putting in the hard work.

I am trying to convey to my girls that hard work, talent and yes a person making their own luck will help with shaping there futures. We do shape are lives if we want things hard enough then we should aim for it. I took the practical route in trying to shape my life. I know wonder if I should have learned to think out of the box earlier own and think big and do something different in life. By looking at my talents and just jumping in with two feet and doing it. I am still evaluating my talents and slowly doing what I enjoy. I want us all to keep the hope and to follow dreams no matter how old. Perhaps it will keep us a bit healthier and younger hopefully.

Reference

Sharot, R, The Optimism Bias (May 28, 2011). Retrieved May 31, 2011, from http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2074067-1,00.html

Sexy Toni Braxton

As I sit listening to some early Toni Braxton songs I understand her sex appeal. My boyfriend was in love with her when she just came out. Toni was just a hot and she rocked this sexy short hair cut and like a great body. Her voice is sexy in that low husky way and she just seem extremely confident. I love her because like me she is a beautiful brown skin woman with lots of sex appeal. Brown girls are far and few between on television so we need that boost sometimes and Toni give it to me. I like to look at images that are more relatable to me and the little girls I am raising. She is aging beautifully, still sexy confident, a great mom and still sexy. Love it keep it up Toni while you continue to bring excellent music to the world! 

30 Years of AIDS

30 years of AIDS and at this time still no cure. Treatment and ways of keep those who are diagnosed with HIV alive longer while living productive lives. The best way for protection against being affected for HIV is the use of protection during sexual encounters at all times. I was young during the beginning stages of the world dealing with this new disease. The faces of HIV and AIDS now does not discriminate teenagers just discover their body’s and sex along with older individuals who have found their sexy!

It is discussed more then when I was younger. It is no longer discusses as if it is a dirty secret. It affects more they Gay men or as they used to say Africans and yes Haitians. They face of AIDS does not discriminate. There still need to be a push on education on sexual health and protection against sexual disease in general. The Middle School were my daughter attends Health Ed teacher discusses sexual disease. Not discussed in the class were condoms in protecting against sexual diseases. Honestly I think young children need to learn about waiting to have sex, using condoms if it is decided and the complete consequences of the act of sex.

Yes there are better ways of treating HIV and AIDS to make life easier for those living with it. In my opinion preventing it is a matter of taking your life in your hand by using latex condoms all the time and making sure to test to know your status. While continuing to educate young people on not only HIV but on there body’s to treat it like a temple because you are only given on chance at life. So I will continue to have the condom talk with my daughter and not having sex until she is way older and mental ready for all that comes with being sexual active. 

Appreciation of a Child

My weekend did not go as plan which in my household is the usual. What started out as a simple oil change at turned out that “Big Blue” my name for my truck turns out she needed more work. That usually means more money that I just did not budget in this pay period. I already feel as if I am drowning in financial strain. Some are sexual frustrated I am financial frustrated looking for relief. This little hick up in my Saturday morning just happens to trickle down to my weekend with the girls. I did not realize how much I affected my daughter till she hands me a two page letter. Expressing her own frustrations so OK, I was not the best Mom this weekend. I did apologize by telling her I love her and I will work on how I deal with my frustrations.

I think what touched me most in her letter was the following:

You told me that I do not appreciate anything that you do/give me. That is not true. I am thankful for everything you and daddy give me. I don’t understand why you would say that to me!

So OK I feel like the worst parent but at times I do feel under appreciated. I feel like everyone just wants and takes while not taking the time to appreciate the sacrifices that I make. OK children most times do not realize that an adult is sacrifice to make sure that they have. It does seem that she appreciates all that is done for her. I will keep that in mind next time I feel that financial crunch. I would say just breath but I need an extra 20,000 in my yearly income so that I can breathe easier. The love of my daughter does make me feel a bit better about all that I do.

Lost Treasure of Pain

  

OK so my love life has always been rocky…some highs some lows some really awesome experience and some that just broke my heart. It has helped me to be the person that I am. I would love to say that I have learned from my experiences but honestly I am not sure. I should not place my happiness in someone else’s hands but it is what it is. I made it out intact and I love myself while making peace with my mistakes. I came across a poem written on Dec 16, 1997 12:36 AM inside a book entitle “Treasury of African Love poems & Proverbs” so my heart must have been going through something’s. I started my poem off with the following:

Wish you a New Year that is prosperous in genuine love. I hope the creator guides your heart & soul to what you are looking for and what you have always been searching for. Love Always even if you are not always with me…Thinking back I have no idea what the hell I was so upset over perhaps not so important. When you are young though being snubbed or rejected hurts deeply when you are still looking to shape who you are. When you free someone from yourself I am thinking you should free your heart and emotions and wish the person well. I have a hard time letting go, I become comfortable and resent the others freedom to just leave. I have grown up and want what is best for others and true happiness. I think it is because I have gotten older and realize that life is short and meant to be enjoyed. That you can not hold on to someone who needs to be free and see the world. We are all entitled to happiness especially me.

-         No Title-

It is better to have know you

It is better to have know your innocent smile

It is better to have know your kisses as soft as petals

It is better to have know your fire like passion

It is better to have know your masculine ego

It was wonderful to have know your quirky sense of humor

It was wonderful to have know your delicate sensible sense of love

Now that it is time to say good-bye

I am glad to have know love then

To have never experience it at all          

                                                                        Valle, M 12/16/97

       

                                                                       

Nurturing Self Happiness

It hit me like a brick last night while having a conversation with my partner that in a long time I am happy. You know really happiness just enjoying life and not trying to let little things in life take that happiness away. It just silently crept up on me that I am no longer leaving my happiness to someone else. I have been doing this for a very long time and it hit me that it is to much pressure for someone that you are involved with. This honestly can lead to some tense issues within the relationship anger and hostility.

You have to make yourself happy, understand what you want, who you want to be and what in life makes you happy. It is too much and to important to leave your happiness on someone else. I have also learned that if as an individual you are not happy there is nothing that anyone can do to make you happy. It is so easy to say that we must love are selves and do things to make us happy. Nurture our selves as individuals, truly get to know who we are and find that love with in to find happiness. It is not that happy sometimes we get into ruts, maybe even fear improving on us and just straight fearful of failure. Life is too short to let fear hold us back from finding happiness from within.

I no longer put the pressure of my happiness on someone else. It’s my life and I want to do things that I enjoy by doing things for me. I would like a health relationships with those in my life I want to find that balance between making me happy and those around me. It starts with me first because in the end if I am not happy no one else will be either. I can not be someone else’s savior I can hopefully be part of my saving. It was a very important brick that hit me called Happiness!!!