Darkness

i sit in darkness,

waiting for light,
memories flood my mind,
good,

bad,

worst,
i feel numb,

my heart so cold,
slowly i go down,

memory lane,
my thoughts me,

consuming the soul,

emotions stirring up,

tears,

they fall,

slowly,

they fall,

from my eyes,
Wrecked,

with,

Emotions,

that,

I can’t go back,

to fix,

So

i stand,

smile,

continuing my,

journey,

making,

more memory’s,

that will flood,

my memory lane,

some,

other cold,

night!

(Valle, M 9/1/2009)

The Drama of Life

With so many reality shows, drama series and movies I think we have lost the light to actual life. For instances:

The Real House Wives of Atlanta/New York/Orange County (Bravo)
Jersey Shores (MTV)
Mob Wives (VH1)
Toya & family (BET)
Tyler Perry Movies

All these shows capture the attention of the viewers with all the drama they contain. These characters are not portrayed the way they depicted themselves on the big screen in life. As the old saying goes think before you speak. Place all emotions, personal feeling aside when addressing others with issues that affect you. Keep in mind others feelings and beliefs. As we all know our first impression at times is our chance to make a lasting impression. It is a true statement to treat others as you desire to be treated. Taking the time to breathe, think before speaking will hoopefully help reduce drama later.

Antonia Carter & her daughter Reginae Carter age 12

dEV!ouz

No Longer

these eyes no longer will shed tears

smiles I share no longer a mask for hurt

hiding a broken heart

due to my loving you

placing you first

I would be fibbing if I said

that I no longer missed

your eyes that sparkled with mirth

arms that held me tight some nights

lips which trailed kisses down to my shoulder

instantly melting my soul

I also would be fibbing if I said

that my happiness was least important then loving you

loving me more

is very important

slowly my heart has mended

my smile genuine

one day someone else

will melt my soul with a

look

till then

I will put me first

no longer allowing others to render

tears or rule my emotions

(Valle, M 4/26/11 for my muse...always giving me food for thought)

Natural Hair

Solange Knowles

India.Arie

I love my natural hair and I love being able to wear my fro. I think as I look in the mirror that I am rocking my fro hard. I just think I look good but again beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I am beholding myself and seeing a beautiful black woman. I came face to face last night with the fact that not all love my hair the same way that I do. In the words of India.Arie “I Am Not My Hair”. I am just me loud, fiercely loving, creative, intelligent and loyal. Does it make me less of these qualities if I don not wear my hair straightened by a chemical process to make it straight?

I was a bit amazed to think that would make me more attractive gain me love. I have went the route of straightening my fro which added length but I doubt added more love to the one beholding me. I am a big softie who is amazed that someone I love doesn’t find my hair beautiful in its natural state. Hair for women is a major part of personality and style. My hair to me reflects my comfort in myself and the beauty I see in myself.

Why should I conform myself to someone else idea of beauty. I will conform to myself in what I believe is beautiful and love what I see in the mirror. The heck with others expectations of me make them happy I want my happiness first and foremost. It has taken me along time to become comfortable in this skin so I will just enjoy my moments of you look beautiful.

Esperanza Spalding

Blood Glucose Levels and a Mothers Love

I have been silent on the blog spot in the past couple of days. I have been nursing my daughter who not only had a bug but it completely put her blood levels in whack. She is a Type One diabetic a chronic life time medical condition. I am very hopefully that in the up coming years new technologies will help how those with Type One maintain the amount of insulin needed to keep their body’s functioning properly.

Over the weekend I felt powerless to keep her healthy since her diagnosis. It reinforces the fact that something’s in life I don’t have control of. Someday she is going to be out in the world without me telling her what to do. What I can do is properly educate her and make sure that she takes care of her body know. Hopefully it sticks and she can grow up making sure that she takes very good care of her mind and body. As a parent I hate to see my child sick I prefer watching them running around tearing up my house.

Sometimes she seems mature for her age with the way that she handles her school work and looking after her little sister. I tend to forget to just spot check to see if she is taking the time to test her blood. I spot check everything else I will become the blood testing police to make sure she is staying on top of her health. I am going to find a nutritionist to make sure that all in my household understand the best foods to fuel the body, proportions and the best foods to ear.  I think if as a family we step up how we take care of are bodies it will help to keep her on track and everyone else in my household.

Children at times do appreciate all that we do for them. Proof this weekend I was told “thank you for cleaning up my room” I needed something to take my mind off of the madness in my household. Second she told me I take good care of her. OK, I did get all misty eyed…I love my girls more then anything in this world. They take front seat in my life and I will do whatever it takes to keep them healthy, happy, and safe. So yes all will hear no matter where we our “have you tested your blood and make sure you bolus.” Being a parent is the hardest job I have ever held and I am not sure if I will ever stop mothering my girls and all that I love. Call me mother hen because I have finally admitted it I am!

My Princess Boy

My Princess Boy a book by Cheryl Kilodavis in regards to her five year old Dyson Kilodavis who enjoys dressing up as a girl. A beautiful little boy who look as if he would be more comfortable at play with my four year old daughter then playing football. Dyson’s mom Cheryl in the beginning tried to softly redirect him to play with more male toys, dress up and masculine play. Her acceptance of her son’s behavior was sparked by his older brother who wanted her to just let his younger brother be himself and be happy. The love and acceptance of his brother will help his self esteem as he grows older. Her family’s story is truly of love and acceptance I applaud all her efforts.

While watching the video it was amazing to me watching a male of color accept his son as he is. I know it must be a hard thing for him to accept watching your young son dress up in pink tutus and sparkling things. Afraid of how the world will see him and if he will ever be loved and accepted for who he is. Dyson is just a little boy who enjoys dressing up in what society considers feminine. It amazed me at this family who love there son enough to be comfortable with letting him express himself in a non conventional way. Watching them reinforced for me how much children need the love and acceptance of family. To help them grow happy, health and to love themselves even if it maybe a bit out of the box.

I am one of those people of the mind set that young people early own in life know themselves. Their likes, dislikes are very in tuned with themselves and how they would like to express themselves. I do believe at a young age children have an inclination of liking boys or girls, and if they feel more comfortable relating with a gender then another. Society, family, friends, television and religion try to mold us into what they believe is more acceptable and correct. As a parent wanting true happiness for our child should be what is more important then if society is uncomfortable.

Watching the smiles on my girl’s faces will lift a dark cloud on a bad day any time. I wish the Kilodavis family all the luck in parenting happy, health, and loving children which is what they our doing.  Sharing their story hopefully helps parents who might be going through the same situation and perhaps inspire others who our not to be more accepting of different.  Hopefully this book will help increasing understanding of children who not only step outside of the box but stand on it smiling proudly.

Reference

HLN, Dr. Drew (2011, April 19). Princess Boy. Retrieved April 20, 2011, from http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2011/04/19/drew.princess.boy.hln?hpt=C2

My Princess Boy (2010). Retrieved April 20, 2011 from http://www.myprincessboy.com/index.asp



Parent or Friend

I found an article on CNN.com by LZ Granderson in regards to the marketing of sexy cloths for young girls. The article is called Parents, don’t dress your girls like tramps the title is what caught my attention. Yes Abercrombie & Fitch seems to sell sex take a quick look at there store window while walking through the mall. I was not aware that they also had a line of cloths for little girls. We can not lay blame on the retail store responsibilities rest with the adults making the purchases. There our parents who are afraid of saying no to children boys or girls when it comes to cloths, toys and major purchases.

Being the adult in my household in the end it is my call on what will and not will be purchased It is my responsibility to give them the tools to help them grow up with self esteem in take, good self image, and a happy child who knows limits. They know what parents expect of them even if it is grudgingly we have their best interest at heart. I completely agree with LZ Granderson I am the parent not the friend in the end it is my responsibility to do what is best for my children.

“The way I see it, my son can go to therapy later if my strict rules have scarred him. But I have peace knowing he'll be able to afford therapy as an adult because I didn't allow him to wear or do whatever he wanted as a kid. (Granderson,L,Z.)”

I love this statement; I love it more that it is coming from a responsible father. I think I am a light weight discipliner who will not let certain things fly in my household. It should go beyond the cloths that our children wear but how the conduct themselves. As parents, and adults we should also conduct our selves in a manner of setting examples for our children.

 

Reference

Granderson, L, Z., (2011) http://www.cnn.com/. Parnets, don’t dress your girls like tramps